I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
