Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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