I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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