Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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