would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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