wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
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