just tell him i said nine months
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
