i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize