Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
