WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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