Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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