I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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