we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
