Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
zippers are such a cool invention
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
