the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Randomize
