lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize