Ketchup is God's man juice
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
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