Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
