I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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