Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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