Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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