conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I didn't notice because vodka
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
