My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
