You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
