My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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