Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
