Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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