we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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