All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
