That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize