Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
