he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
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