Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
