There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize