Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
