We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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