I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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