I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
