shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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