I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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