go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Well I just put wine in my tea
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Who died my cat blue again?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
