i just had sex bonerless
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
The adults are the big ones right?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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