He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
