she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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