ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
