i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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