I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Randomize
