I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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