Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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