I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
