i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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