john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
