Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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