Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
