a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
