i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
