Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
