I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
