i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I accidentally burped into my bong.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Still dying that you shit outside
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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