Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
