Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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