Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
