my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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