We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
