Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
