my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
