tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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