we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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