My brain says no but my pants say off.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
