your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
