I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize