matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
