dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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