I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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