1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
