Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
