I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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