I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I party with great urgency now.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
