I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
