Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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