my soul wont recognize me after tonight
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Everclear isn't food dammit
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
